We won't sleep together?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
