Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
