dude i'm inner monologue high
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
