i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
