Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
