Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just threw up on my dentist
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
