RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
