About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
