Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
