Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have aggressive nipples.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize