like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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