My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize