I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
