We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
