My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
