i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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