Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
