he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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