I think my vagina is haunted
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize