Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
