I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
