So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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