There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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