people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize