so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize