You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
