there was a trapeze. enough said
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
