You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you had me at cake vodka
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize