Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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