You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
