the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
