omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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