If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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