Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
