considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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