She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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