her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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