I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
