batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
