I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
