Your face is a jimmy john
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
