Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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