the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
