If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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