I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
