You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
