i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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