i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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