I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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