So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
