I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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