I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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