i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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