i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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