stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
