He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
