Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
