Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
