Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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