ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
