Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize