Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Boobs speak an international language.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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