I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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