grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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