All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize