i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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