the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize