you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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