Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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