cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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