i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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