OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
