you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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