I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
