I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
