He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
