Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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