Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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