Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sponge bath it is.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
