When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
