Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
