so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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