Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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