did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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