Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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