guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh god it's open bar.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
